New container of creamer. Slight shake. Open. Pour. Yuck, what just plopped into my coffee? Oh right, they were bubbles. That gets me every damn time.
How does requesting scrambled eggs give the cook permission to use an egg substitute?
If I ever play drumset in a band again, and the front-man decides to jump off my bass drum in a display of showmanship, he’ll never jump again.
The job of a manager is to make their employees happy, so their employees in-turn, can make the customers happy.
I remember when I was a kid and someone once said that many collapsed societies did so after they no longer had a problem with public nudity. Of course this was coming from a religious person. Man I wish kids could slap adults for being stupid.
It’s official: Hair stylists put “product” in before you leave to hide the mess-ups. Beware.
Speculation about a profitable side effect: There’s never enough jelly in the Smucker’s packs at restaurants to cover your toast or even your English muffin so you end up using twice the number you would normally.
It’s all just a game to your socks. You put them on the pile of clothes and start carrying it to the other room, but they always jump off. For spite.
I like it when coffee shops provide ad-supported internet access so you can get to the ad-supported internet.
On halloween, while handing out candy, some older man told me this house was once inhabited by a relative of Disney. I didn’t really care, but that would explain why our attic and walls are frequented by rats.
A few weeks ago I had a dream that I was being let go from my job because I wasn’t a fast enough coder. Also had a dream that my rental house was twice as big and had a secret upstairs level where my landlords and their kids were playing/living occasionally.
I think I was most disappointed that the first one wasn’t true. There’s nothing quite like the panic that unemployment brings.